Wednesday, July 07, 2004

John Edwards, Come On Down

John Edwards is on the ticket, ladies and gentleman. The 2004 presidential election has reached the stretch run. The picture is complete. John Kerry has selected Edwards as his vice presidential candidate.

The Democrats went with potential and personality over experience by selecting the young, vibrant, one-term-and-I'm-on-to-bigger-and-better-things Senator from North Carolina, son of a mill worker, as he'll gladly tell you. Yep, the Democrats definitely played their strong suit - the youth/charisma card.

Not a bad idea when you have John F. Kennedy and Bill Clinton in your past. Not a bad idea when Edwards more than proved his political powers by emerging from the primaries as a man to be reckoned with. Not a bad idea when your opposition is the old, plump, highly-ridiculed Dick Cheney.

Cheney's make-up team just doubled staff size. Man, he must have been desperately hoping to face a fellow curmudgeon, such as Dick Gephardt, in the debates. Instead, he'll tangle with Edwards, who perfected his argumentative skills and influential charm in front of jurors (voters) during his days as a big-time lawyer. It could get ugly for the controversial Cheney, who has helped drag America's reputation through the mud for the last couple of years.

Edwards can undoubtedly dance and duck with Cheney step for step, land just the right amount of body blows, and look good while doing it. And America will love it. And Democrats know it.

Edwards arrives right on time for Kerry, who remains in cruise control, offering little more than uninspiring sound bites, yet keeping victory well within reach, and eternally looking like he was just dragged from his yacht where he has a butler named Cheeves. Yep, Kerry could definitely use an injection of charms, or at least a good sound bite here and there. You know, something like this:

Media member: "Senator Kerry, what do you say to the allegations that you dubbed John Edwards as too young and too inexperienced when he was a fellow challenger in the primaries?"

Kerry: "What the $%#@ did you want me to say? I was trying to win a #$%@ election race! Give me a #$@% break! Next question!"

Cameras stop flashing, jaws hit the floor, silence.

Kerry: "I'm sorry...sorry. The Red Sox have been fading fast and I...I lost my head there for a second. My apologies."

Now that would be funny. Or at least interesting.


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