Friday, July 09, 2004

Surprise, Surprise! Another Injury

You gotta be kidding me!

The baseball gods are really starting to piss me off this year. I don't find their sick sense of humor funny in the least. I'm positive they're currently busy overseeing the transformation of Randy Johnson from a mulletted, good 'ol boy into a Manhattan club-hopping metrosexual as we speak. I'm sure they would find that just hilarious.

I can almost hear Johnson's first New York press conference now: "The access to top European fashion here is positively outstanding. All the latest trends...and I do mean all! You just don't get that in Phoenix."

Look, the Cubs have dealt with a season-long barrage of injuries that should raise the dreaded "curse" word way quicker than Steve Bartman's silly gaffe ever should have. Their clubhouse must look like an episode of ER...just without the hot nurses. Or maybe there are hot nurses in there. Or maybe just hot women in nurses outfits. You never know. They're rich baseball players...and I have a bizarre imagination. (No need to thank me for getting the image of hot nurses in your head.)

Anyway, now Frank Thomas is facing the prospect of surgery on his troublesome ankle just as Magglio Ordonez is returning from an extended stay on the DL.

What did Thomas ever do to anger the baseball gods? Huh?

OK, don't answer that question. But the often-bitter Thomas has been very well behaved this year. Well, sort of. You know, for the most part, more so than usual.

Here's hoping Thomas heals up over the All-Sar break. Maybe it's a good thing he didn't make the American League roster.

Oh, well, whatever. This should help cheer you up...


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