Wednesday, January 26, 2005

T.O. Be Or Not T.O. Be

If you were hoping to avoid two weeks of talk of Terrell Owen's broken ankle, tough luck. TO's doc refuses to OK him for the Super Bowl as high school coaches across America scream, "Shoot 'im up and get 'im in there!" Now the drama begins. As the world turns according to the bones in TO's ankle. Reporters will be lined up outside for a glimpse of it. There will be a reality show based on it. ESPN will start a new channel to speculate on it 24-7.

Whatever. Just let me know if he is or he isn't.

Or better yet, don't.

If anyone can pull off a glorious entrance into a Super Bowl stadium as the world finally gets the answer that, yes, yes he is playing, it's TO. He'd soak that limelight up like Willis Reed limping out into the Garden or Curt Schilling bleeding in Fenway.

TO was made for this drama. I'm not convinced his ankle is even broken. This might just be the planned-out prelude to the greatest touchdown celebration ever. He's just setting us all up like a master thespian.

I'm thinking he's playing. I have a hard time seeing TO as the type of player who would finally get to the Super Bowl and not at least suit up, if for no other reason than the world needs a TO Super Bowl introduction entrance.

Interesting how the five Indiana Pacers involved in the infamous melee at the Palace were in a Michigan court yesterday and were "allowed to leave the state."

Leave the state. Allowed to. That sounds so criminal.

NBA. Gotta love it.

The five Pacers looked like the court scene at the end of Eight Men Out. Wearing suits. Making their best "Yeah, we fucked up" face. Basically, they looked like anyone would who committed assault and battery from several television angles.

At least the court nailed all the idiotic fans as well. I don't know what crime is technically committed when you toss beers and chairs into crowds (real smart, by the way), but in sheer stupidity, unaldulterated ape-man thinking stupidity, they're as guilty as OJ.

They should be punished by being made to watch Darko Milicic's game tapes for six hours everyday for a week. Just the highlights. All three minutes of them. On an endless a loop. That'll scare them straight.

I feel so much better knowing that Ben Roethlisberger broke his toes on Sunday...especially now that his season is over.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold on a sec. Let me get this straight.

Mark Philippoussis has dated Anna Kournikova, Tara Reid, Delta Goodrem, and Paris Hilton? Interesting list. I don't even know who Goodrem is, but judging by the rest of the candidates, she's a hot plastic blonde.

Now Philippoussis is dating not-yet-even-eighteen-year-old Alexis Barbara, who I believe is an actress or model or something high-tech like that, and also finds time to look nice in photos. Real nice.

You can talk all you want about Roger Federer, but in some way, some less important but still quite impressive way, Philippoussis is the hottest player on the tour.

Incidentally, he didn't play in the current Australian Open and, naturally, this was because of a groin injury.


Speaking of the Australian Open, it has quietly become one of the most interesting Majors in years. For the first time since 1995, the top four seeds each advanced to the semifinals of a Major.

Federer. Hewitt. Safin. Roddick.

All in their prime.

All mens’ tennis needs now is someone with a mullet and a headband, and everything will be perfect.


Blogger Nominal Me said...

Some backup DB or LB will chop block T.O. right in the ankle and he'll be out of the game. The Patriots smell blood.

9:45 AM  
Blogger UnknownColumn said...

Yeah, that's probably true. I'm not a TO fan nor an Eagles fan really, but I want TO to play so the game has the most opportunity to be good. Hopefully he plays and stays healthy.

BTW, Nominal, I found your blog on AofG and have been reading it ever since. Good stuff. Sorry about the whole being a Bills fan thing. :)

11:12 AM  
Blogger marcythewhore said...

Unknown Column wrote: Marcy, Donnie Moore committed suicide, but he was black. (His wife survived.) ................

Marcythewhore wrote back to the Unknown Column: So, you say. Black people don't commit suicide. Donnie Moore had a white grandmother. You wont' find a black person committing suicide. O D-ing? That's another thing. That's just too much partying gone bad. That happens to even Indians and Muslims. Black people just don't know how to aim a pistol in their own direction. Shoot someone else? No problem. You won't even find a black man who could accidentally shoot himself in the foot.

Your Super Bowl plans going awry and you need to go to a Super Bowl Massage Parlor Party, you say?

I've heard this story so many times. White people who plan Super Bowl parties just don't know what they are doing. Did you know that it was white people who built the Titanic? It was a White Man who gave the order for the Titanic to haul ass across the ocean at top speed. No wonder white Super Bowl parties fall apart faster than a white driven space shuttle coming back to earth.

Marcy's Massage Parlors are found all around Chicago and the tri-state syndicated area. Now, honey, if you don't already know where one of Marcy's (me) parlors are, you don't know nothing about the Outfit and it may be just a little late for you to find out before Ronnie Reagan's birthday on Super Bowl Sunday.

Besides, all reservations to my parlor parties are filled to the rafters. Might I suggest you try one of the Chinese owned Triad Massage Parlors. You can get yourself a little Thai (get the pun, Thai...thigh)......marcythewhore

PS....It ain't too late to take seven and the Eagles. Pick up that phone of yours and call your bookie right now.......>>>>>>>>>>>

Unknownn Column asked Marcy: What makes you assume I'm white?

Marcy explained to the Unknown Column: You are way too polite to be anything but a white liberal Republican.

10:37 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home