Thursday, April 07, 2005

Instant Karma

I must admit that I gain a guilty satisfaction in watching the troubles of Kobe Bryant. I can't help it. I try not to be this way. I really do. In fact, whenever I feel, as a sports fan, a warm glow forming inside my gut over the misfortune of an athlete or coach, I try to fight it. Honestly, I try. After all, they're out there doing their thing while I'm sitting on my ass watching them. So who's really the loser? Besides, I don't want to be a hater. Needless to say, it gets hard at times with so many delusional douches (see Bonds, Barry) and clueless sycophants (see Selig, Bud) polluting the sports world. It definitely requires effort and rash ointment.

However, when it comes to Kobe, my joy receives no such limits. As I said, I can't help it...and I'm weak, very weak. I'm like a horny Denny Neagle with $40 to spare.

So, yeah, it was nice to see the Lakers officially eliminated from playoff contention recently. It was nice to hear Chucky Atkins offer some thinly veiled insight into what Kobe's teammates think of him. It's nice to see Shaq enjoying all sorts of success with the Heat. And it's fun watching Kobe cartoons and playing Kobe games.

Bring it on. All of it.

I'm small and bored and bitter, I guess.

Or maybe the reason I find Kobe's troubles so satisfying is my desire to believe in karma. I want karma to exist. I want people to get what they deserve. Of course, admittedly, this means I'll probably come back in the next life as a bug or, worse, a Kansas City Royals fan, but whatever. I'll deal.

I guess assaulting barely-legal chicks in hotel rooms and bringing down a proud and succesful organizations through pure hubris really does bring consequences in this crazy and unexplainable universe of ours.

This comforts me.

So, sure, I'll enjoy the Kobe saga as it reaches the point of being, well, just plain sad. And I'll do it without feeling guilty.


Who will Kobe blame the Lakers' struggles on?

A) Whitey.

B) That damn broad from the hotel. Bitch should have kept her mouth shut.

C) All of those big, mean Western Conference centers that pick on the Lakers without Shaq.

D) Faulty CIA intelligence and the insurgents.

E) Himself.


Blogger Jackie Chiles said...

The schadenfreude hasn't been this sweet in quite some time. Restored my faith in whatever to see Kobe fall flat on his face. First time the Lake Show's been out of the playoffs in over 10 years. And we all know, it's Kobe's Team.

If I'm the probester, I blame it on Bush. If not Bush, Whitey.

4:30 PM  

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