Wednesday, June 29, 2005

No Bulls Picks, But I'll Pretend To Care

With the Bulls having no picks in last night's NBA draft, I wasn't particularly interested. That, however, does not prevent me from offering my ill-informed opinions on the first round. I'd comment on the second round as well, but what's the point?

1. BUCKS, Andrew Bogut - First, I don't have much confidence in a guy who apparently cannot wash his hair. Is this an Australian thing? That said, I don't envision Bogut being a complete bust, though I don't see him being a superstar either. His passing game, solid for a big man but no Arvydas Sabonis, will find him his niche, but the stud centers of the NBA need not worry. I just don't see the kid matching up that well with the Shaqs and Wallaces and Yaos of the world. Well, maybe the Yaos.

2. HAWKS, Marvin Williams - Question: Does the fact that the Hawks drafted him automatically assure that Williams will be a bust? Isn't there some sort of law of the universe that dictates this? Quick: name three players on the Hawks.

3. JAZZ, Deron Williams - Maybe I'm biased as an Illini fan, but Williams may be the best player to emerge from this draft. He can run an offense, play defense, and he's a winner. And his quiet, humble demeanor will play well in Salt Lake City, not to mention with the old-school Jerry Sloan. With a healthy Kirilenko, the Jazz should return to their spot among the most consistent franchises in the NBA.

4. HORNETS, Chris Paul - I'm not a fan of this testicle-punching cheap shot artist. He reminds me of the spoiled kid who is friendly until things don't go his way, at which point he gets nasty and ugly and starts yapping about his dad will be pissed. Yup, seeing Paul wearing the yellow, pink, and teal of the laughable Hornets will be fun. (Yeah, I'm a petty bastard.) I'm picturing Stephon Marbury, but with less talent.

5. BOBCATS, Raymond Felton - I like this selection. Felton may not be a stud, and he certainly is a stretch as a top five pick, but I like the idea of grabbing the local guy coming off a national championship. He's not a bad player, either. Not great, but not bad. He should be a servicable backup.

6. TRAIL BLAZERS, Martell Webster - Ugh. Double Ugh. The criminally inclined Blazers should stay away from the high schoolers. At least for awhile. A Sean May or Joey Graham, seasoned college players who have proven themselves both on and off the court, would have been better choices. A poor kid like Webster is stepping right into a troublesome situation. Not good for him. Not good for the Blazers.

7. RAPTORS, Charlie Villanueva - Horrible pick. The eyebrow-less one will wash out of the NBA in no time. Trust me. Kid is soft, nor does he have much talent for that matter. The Raptors are a clueless organization.

8. KNICKS, Channing Frye - The general consensus is that Frye is soft, so I don't know if the glare of New York will be a good fit. However, I was impressed when I saw him play. Still, kid looks way too skinnny to be a solid NBA center. Of course, the fact that Isiah Thomas made the pick leads me to conclude that the Frye experiment will turn into a fiasco, as everything Isiah touches does.

9. WARRIORS, Ike Diogu - This is probably my favorite pick of the draft. I love the productive Diogu staying out West with a team that will surprise some people next year. Solid pick.

10. LAKERS, Andrew Bynum - A high schooler with a reported weight problem? Next.

11. MAGIC, Fran Vasquez - I look suspiciously at any basketball player with a Hispanic last name. Call it the curse of Felipe Lopez.

12. CLIPPERS, Yaroslav Korolev - He's Lithuanian and I like that. But that's about all I know.

13. BOBCATS, Sean May - Like Felton, I can appreciate the local connection. But May's ability to shove around his chubby body the way he did in college won't translate to the NBA. (And Illinois was jobbed in the NCAA title game by the refs, who let May bully his way inside with his fat ass all night. Yeah, that's right. I said "fat ass." I'm still pissed.)

14. TWOLVES, Rashad McCants - I wouldn't want this guy, nor his piss-poor attitude, on my team. Ever. Enough said.

15. NETS, Antoine Wright - Do the Nets really need another swingman-type with Richard Jefferson and Vince Carter already on the roster? Oh, well, it's the Nets. No sleep till Brooklyn.

16. RAPTORS, Joey Graham - If he doesn't attack coach Sam Mitchell in the locker room at halftime, consider it a good pick.

17. PACERS, Danny Granger - Steal of the draft. This kid may haunt some folks for sleeping on him. Of course, this could cause Ron Artest to hit unprescedented levels of craziness if his minutes are challenged.

18. CELTICS, Gerald Green - Another high schooler, so who knows. But I like the athletic look Boston is working on. The Celtics would be wise to dump Paul Pierce and his unmotivated ass sooner than later. Him and Antoine Walker are garbage.

19. GRIZZLIES, Hakim Warrick - I always loved this kid in college. I thought he should have went higher. Dude was a winner with the 'Cuse. I like the pick for the Grizz. Warrick will be solid. He also has one of the cooler names ever. It just rolls off the tongue.

20. NUGGETS, Julius Hodge - I'm not a fan, but he did get NC State to the Sweet Sixteen. That counts for something.

21. KNICKS, Nate Robinson - How can you not root for this little guy, who has twice the heart of Stephon Marbury? Isiah may have actually done something right. It would be a first. New Yorkers will love Robinson. I can already imagine posters of the pint-sized Robinson sailing across the New York skyline.

22. TRAIL BLAZERS, Jarrett Jack - At 21, Jack gives the Blazers an actual adult. And he has no criminal past. He'll have to get to work on this.

23. KINGS, Francisco Garcia - Garcia always seemed soft at Louisville, a guy who could get red hot but, more often than not, disappear in the clutch. So he should fit right in with the Kings.

24. ROCKETS, Luther Head - This is my boy! Go Luther! Way to work your way into the first round! (How's that for some in-depth analysis?)

25 - SONICS, Johan Petro - Who? A Frenchman? What? His name is Johan? Johan??? You can't play in the NBA with a name like Johan. Come on now.

26. PISTONS, Jason Maxiell - Somehow the University of Cincinnati and the city of Detroit seem like two peas in a pod. An ugly, drunken, bruising pod. This pick works for me. Besides, Maxiell is a tough kid who will fit into a learning position nicely behind he Wallaces.

27. Nuggets, Linas Kleiza - Who knows? But again, it's hard to go wrong with the crazy Lithuanians.

28. SPURS, Ian Mahinmi - The Spurs have themselves another Frenchman to join Tony Parker in not showering for days. Hey, Eva Longoria seems to like it.

29. HEAT, Wayne Simien - He'll be in Europe in three years.

30. PISTONS, David Lee - Just when I was about to compliment Isiah on the Nate Robinson pick, he goes and drafts a guy will do nothing - nothing! - in the NBA. Isiah is so damn consistent.

The second round: Coming to a Euroleague arena near you!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are an idiot.

5:14 PM  

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