Sunday, July 31, 2005

Get it Done

The Unknown Column will be missing in action this week. I want Cedric Benson signed by the time I get back.

And welcome to town Geoff Blum.

Dogs After Loose Meat, Baby!

Get Cedric Benson in camp. Now.

Mike McCaskey needs to grow a pair and give Benson the money he is due for being the fourth overall pick in the draft. The rest of the top five picks are slowly starting to sign, so the amount due is getting easier to judge. So let's get it done. The last thing the Bears offense needs after last year's debacle is to be missing key guys in camp.

Because the defense is going to be nasty. Nas-ty. Urlacher and Company have a real chance to be scary good. I'm telling you. Scary good. Dogs after loose meat, baby, dogs after loose meat!

Lions. Done.
Vikings. Done. Done.
Packers. Done. Done. DONE!!!

Brian Urlacher. Tommie Harris. Lance Briggs. Mike Brown. Charles Tillman. Adewale Ogunleye. Jerry Azumah. Mike Green. Alex Brown. Nathan Vasher.


If you're a Bears fan, I want you to look at these defensive guys and play a song that gets your blood bubbling, something that gets you excited, something that makes you feel like hitting something or someone. I'm listening to Limp Bizkit's version of the Mission Impossible theme song. Yeah, I know Limp Bizkit sucks and Fred Durst is a colossal prick, but they rock that song. It gets me going. Now I know why you wanna hate me. Now I know why you wanna hate me. NOW I KNOW WHY YOU WANNA HATE ME!!!


Saturday, July 30, 2005

Hittin' Like Mofos

Nice win by the White Sox today. The offense was clicking, particularly Tadahito Iguchi and AJ Pierzynski. Frank Thomas had to be somewhere shaking his head and grinning.

Too bad Jose Contreras was his usual shaky self on the mound. He continues to be plagued by the one bad inning. Don Cooper looked none too pleased after Contreras gave up a home run to Rafael Palmeiro one pitch after a Cooper visit to the mound. Then again, it was Palmeiro, and he is apparently passing a different baseball legend in all-time offensive categories on a daily basis, today moving past Lou Gehrig and into sixth place in extra base hits.

How many times did FOX announcer Jeff Torborg refer to the 1990 White Sox? Pretty funny. Hey, who can blame him? That was an awesome team he skippered. 94 wins. Too bad there was no wild card yet. Damn Bash Brothers.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Childs Play

I already knew many conservatives were delusional, but now they've gone and made a comic book (with colors and everything!) to further spread their ill fantasies about liberals being the root of all evil.

Just like children.

Frank is Done

Frank Thomas is apparently done for the year. While on the surface this may appear to be a damaging blow to the White Sox, the fact is that Thomas had only appeared in 34 games this season and was batting .219. In years past - remember last year? - the loss of Thomas may have been a tremendous blow. Now? Not so much.

Thomas' bat will be missed, not to mention his mere presence, but the Sox were winning without Thomas and they can do it again.

Show Him the Money

Have the Bears signed Cedric Benson yet?

No? Why not?

Look, the Bears defense has a chance to be something special this year. Urlacher, Harris, Peanut, O-Gun, Briggs, etc. The D is going to be awesome. Awesome.

So why must the Bears foul things up by heading into camp without their first-round running back? Why do the McCaskeys lack all common sense and, in the case of Mike McCaskey, balls?

Give Benson some money and let him run the ball left, right, and up the middle. This decision isn't difficult.


Drew Rosenhaus must be vanquished. His time as court jester is complete. Throw him to the dogs.

Now that star names such as Terrell Owens and Javon Walker have decided against his advice and will be attending their respective team's camps, Rosenhaus is now imploring the Lions Eddie Drummond to holdout. It's as though Rosenhaus is just running down a list of players he hopes to $$$$$$core big with.

This is all Rosenhaus is good for - acting huffy and puffy, taking his ball and going home. That's his big "plan".

It appears as though Drummond was set to report.

"Drummond, a Pro Bowl kick returner, was in the Detroit area and wanted to get situated, but his agent, Drew Rosenhaus, told him not to report, according to Mariucci."

Yet Rosenhaus is advising Drummond to make the quite possibly career-damaging decision to simply not show up.

Rosenhaus is uing these players. He desires fame and power and, of course, money, and he's willing to go to ridiculous and damaging lengths to attain them. Rosenhaus isn't thinking of the players' well-being. He's advising them to not play the game that has made them rich, not to mention the game that they love. He's a troublemaker and a little man.

Normally, I side with players over owners when it comes to all things business. Who wants to be on the side of grumpy, greedy old men thinking of the bottom line?

But in the case of Rosenhaus, I'd be all in favor of the owners seeing to it that Rosenhaus is squashed and sent back into oblivion.


Benson signed yet?


Nolan Richardson has signed on to coach the national basketball team of Panama. I love this move. Panama! Who knew Panama even HAD a basketball team?

Say what you will about Richardson - and his exit from Arkansas remains murky - the guy can coach. The Razorbacks were a mini-dynsasty and always a tough out with Richardson at the helm. It's too bad he has been absent from the college game for so long now. When DePaul was recently looking for a new coach, his name was rather amusingly mentioned. Nobody thought it would actually happen, and it didn't. But it wouldn't have necessarily been a bad thing if it had.

With the arrival of Richardson, and the Canaleros recent run to the championship game of the Gold Cup, it looks like Panama is a place to be.


Benson signed yet?


What is it about kids playing sports that makes grownups act like complete tools.


Benson signed yet?

Jay Mariotti Still Sucks

Good 'ol Jay wasted his column space yesterday ripping the prospect of Chicago hosting the 2016 Olympics. Well, of course he did. It wouldn't be a normal day unless Kotex Boy was being a negative creep.

What's wrong with Mayor Daley and the city of Chicgao dreaming big? Perhaps the city's hopes of actually winning the right to host the Olympics are a longshot at best, but what's the problem with trying?

Today, Mariotti offers yet another hatchet job ripping Dusty Baker. Gee, I guess writing about the Cubs being in the thick of the wildcard race wouldn't satisfy Mariotti's desire to be an arrogant, instigating punk.

Fuck Mariotti. He sucks. And he gets his eyebrows waxed. What a douche.

Thursday, July 28, 2005


The recent bombings in England have not stopped the Brits from fanning the flames yet again of the Pricess Diana crash.

Here's a clue: the car ran into a concrete pillar really, really fast


WTF is going on with the White Sox lately, especially defensively? Three unearned runs given up last week to the Red Sox, three errors on Tuesday night against the Royals, and three more unearned runs on Wednesday in a dumb 6-5 loss to KC - a game they led 5-0.

That sounds like everything the Sox are against. Stupid mistakes and errors. That's exactly what they did not do while building MLB's best record.

Perhaps leading the AL Central by double-digits in games dulls the edge. Perhaps the Sox are looking ahead to a fun stretch, stretch, stretch against the Yankees, Red Sox, and Twins. Perhaps it's just a lull period that even the best of teams will go through in a 162-game schedule.

All I know is that the Sox better get that edge back starting this weekend in Baltimore.

Speaking of Camden Yards, interesting article here about the "new" cookie-cutter stadiums. Believe it or not, at the very end the Cell gets a big pat on the back.

Monday, July 25, 2005


Could it be? Could Jermaine Dye possibly have gone the way of Peter Parker?

Well, after sitting out four games with spider bites - yes, spider bites - Dye returned on Monday night in Kansas City and made a wall-climbing, circus catch in right field to rob Mike Sweeney of a home run. Dye also managed to go 3-for-6 at the plate with four RBI in a 14-6 White Sox win.

Interesting. The rest of the White Sox have already connected the dots.

"They were teasing me early about Spider-Man and all that crazy stuff," Dye said. "And then when I made the play on the wall they made more jokes about it."

Dye would certainly make a more impressive Spiderman than Tobey McGuire.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Bears Begin Reporting to Camp...


Friday, July 22, 2005

Through to the Final

The United States beat Honduras last night, 2-1, in the Gold Cup semifinals in the Meadowlands - and in dramatic fashion, John O'Brien scoring the equalizer in the 86th minute and Oguchi Onyewu heading in the game-winner in injury time.

It was a narrow avoidance of an embarrassing loss to the Hondurans, who, to their credit, took it to the U.S. for much of the night and would have been worthy winners.

The U.S. will face Panama in the final on Sunday to crown CONCACAF's champion. The upstart Canaleros continued their improbable run by upsetting Colombia in the other semifinal.


The White Sox dropped the opener of their four-game series to the Red Sox, 6-5. To make a long story short: three unearned runs given up by the Sox, a deadly error by the normally flawless Joe Crede in the ninth inning, and Luis Vizcaino doing his normal poor routine of a MLB reliever and offering up the game-winning solo shot to Manny Ramirez.

I'm taking deep breaths.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Bye, Maggs...Now SLUMP!!!

The White Sox officially said goodbye to Magglio Ordonez in his retun to Chicago by graciously bowing down for two out of three games to the Tigers, Maggs' new team. How nice of them.

Maggs went 7-for-10 in the series and all signs point to him being back. I know I should be happy for him as he was the game's most underrated player for a number of years, and a class citizen, with the Sox. So I am. To a degree.

But he left. For what? More money.

Oh, well.

One positive was that the Sox, down 8-3 heading into the bottom of the ninth, scored three times and had the winning run at the plate in Tadahito Iguchi. Iguchi had hit a solo home run in the first. Now with runners at first and second, and the suddenly-present sun setting after an earlier rain delay, this could have been Iguchi's day. THE day. Alas, he grounded out.

But the Sox came back and were there, right there, right where they needed to be. It could have happened. That's always a good sign if there are good signs to be found from a loss.

So Maggs had his day. Good for him. Too bad it's best he never does that against the Sox again.

The Cubs, meanwhile, continue the Triple A portion of their schedule by beating up on the Reds. Of course, Kerry Wood left after only three innings yesterday, possibly hurt. In related news, Mike Tyson is ape shit crazy and the world has plenty of stupid, stupid people.

Speaking of Wood, Matt Clement pitches tonight against the Sox. You remember Clement - he's the guy the Cubs should have kept instead of Wood. Now he's with Boston and has pitched well this year, just as he normally did with the Cubs. Go figure.

But Clemente can be hit and the Sox need to hit him, preferably before the bottom of the ninth this time.

Mark Buehrle starts for the Sox.

Tonight's pick to click: Konerko. I know the dude can hit .300. I know it. He's done it before.


The Gold Cup semifinals are happening tonight in New York to crown the king of CONCACAF. The United States has to be the favorite here. On home soil, and both Mexico and Costa Rica having been surprisingly ousted, it would be a major upset should the U.S. not win it all at this point.

Tonight the U.S. faces Honduras, which has played splendid throughout the tourney and has been known to knock off the big boys from time to time. Wilmer Velazquez and Milton Nunez and are a nice pair of striker. The key will be how the U.S. is able to control Milton Nunez's hair.

Panama plays Colombia in the other semifinal and I will most certainly be rooting for Panama. Nothing against Colombia, but I don't buy this "invited guest" team garbage for a tournament specifically designed to crown CONCACAF's champion. Panama ousted the other other "invite", South Africa, in the last round, so the Canaleros have a chance to magnificently represent their region.

Colombia has to be the favorite, at least on paper. Panama's run in the Gold Cup is the best run they have had in a tourney - ever. Colombia has played on much bigger stages. But perhaps the lure of playing the U.S. in the Big Apple for all the marbles will be enough to inspire Panama to the upset victory. I certainly hope so.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Back on Track

After absorbing the first chink in their armor - a lost weekend against the A's to conclude the first half of the season - the White Sox bounced back by sweeping four straight from the Indians, in Cleveland no less. Talk about the All-Star Break being a good chance to rejuvenate.

The pitching in Cleveland was splendid. If I remember correctly, the starting pitching gave up a combined three earned runs in the four games. Wow. Just like Mark Buehrle pitched a 1-0 win to beat the Indians on Opening Day, Jose Contreras opened the Sox' return from All-Star festivities with another 1-0 win over the same Indians. I like the vibes.

Contreras needed that performance. And he needs to keep doing that. Fellow Cuban Livan Hernandez returns to the mound to open against the Tigers tonight, this after his second stint on the injured list for a sore shoulder. If he keeps getting hurt, he's going to be sooooooo fresh for the playoffs. At least that's what I keep telling himself.

And, of course, Magglio Ordonez returns to the Cell to play for the first time, meaning everyone has done their best to be polite following the Ozzie-Maggs blown-out-of-proportion media feud earlier in the season. In other words, Ozzie Guillen hasn't gone off. It's been all good, as it should be. Maggs was awesome while he was here and never ruffled feathers.

The most important Sox news, though, is Joe Crede's sudden decision to sport the all-out sideburns. This can only be a good sign that he's getting down to business for the second half of the season.

Hell, if Crede grows those 'burns into full-on, '70's style, wild chops, the Sox should be in great shape.

These would also be a nice choice:

Meanwhile, ex-Cub Kyle Farnsworth will be in town with the Tigers. Perhaps he will meander back to Wrigleyville. And perhaps he will beat somebody up in a bar brawl, which would be particulary funny after he pummeled the Royals Jeremy Affeldt yesterday. He's good at pummeling batters. He has perfected the body slam, going after Affeldt with the same exact move he subdued the Reds' Paul Wilson with in 2003 in Farnsworth's most infamous moment.

I'm thinking the next batter that feels the urge to charge Farnsworth will think better of it and instead point at the mound, appear really angry, and say, "You better not do that again or...or else!"

And Farnsworth will look at him and say, "Or else what?"

Farnsworth, to his credit, has apparently been pitching well with the Tigers, meaning one of his patented meltdowns is surely imminent. This is good news for the Sox.

The Cubs - the hopelessly up-and-down Cubs - have won six of seven. So I'm assuming the next Cubs six-game losing streak is due any day now. Right? Playing Cincinnati next will help. Four games against the hapless Reds is a good opportunity to fatten yourself up get nice and tug in that wildcard race.

I feel the need to give a shout out to Ken Griffey, Jr. who comes to Wrigley Field quietly having a banner year. It's nice to see after Griffey's long years in exodus due to injury.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I'm $%$#@# Getting #$%@#$# Cards!!!

Everyone's favorite baseball wife, Anna Benson, ran into some trouble at the World Series of Poker:

Anna Benson, wife of Mets pitcher Kris Benson, caused a major stink in Las Vegas. The buxom former stripper was ejected from the World Series of Poker on Saturday for excessive cursing. After serving a 10-minute penalty for dropping the "f-bomb," a violation of tournament rules, Benson returned. "Does that mean I can't say any other word?" she asked her dealer, saying a few other choice obscenities. Benson, whose $10,000 fee was sponsored by, was immediately booted from the game. She also was barred later from a Bellagio steakhouse after the restaurant refused to let her eat with her French bulldog puppy, Petunia. "She threw a huge fit," a witness said, before she stormed off.

Is this earth-shattering news? No, but it did prompt me to post this picture, and that's what we all want, now isn't it?

That is all.

Disco Still Sucks

Yesterday was the 26th anniversary of Disco Demolition night at the old Comiskey Park. If you're unfamiliar, it had to be the most haywire sports promotion. Ever.

For some background, check here, here, and here. And Tony Pierce comments on it here, even though he's a Cubs fan. (Poor guy.)

Man, just thinking of the old Comiskey makes me sad. I loved - loved - that place. Too bad I was too young to enjoy it when they served hard booze. Nowadays I have to sneak it in. What a pain.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

God And Guns

Do you know what's really repulsive? Churches that use their religion to fight, if even usually, if lucky, only with words and a smug wave of the hand to hell for anyone else.

But this church takes the cake. Congratulations, New Borns of Rochester.

Everyone can now look at you and laugh the heartfelt laugh of knowing that no matter how dumb we fear we are, you, my friends, have us beat by a mile. You are a special kind of dumb.

When the whole world is over and framed and hung upon a wall, I hope a snapshot of these assclowns makes the short list. Title it "American Chuch, 2005". I thought it was bad when the holy rollers of the world lit crosses or played funny with boys or rioted outside elementary schools whilst bashing gays, but now we have descended to the nitty gritty. Now we have a clergy in fatigues and rosaries praying in troops with missles receiving communion and medals. Now we have a church that just don't give a fuck no more. They're pissed and they're ready to blow something up and god is on their side. Some politicians, too. Secretly.

In America.

Bush's America.

Today is Bush's birthday. I wonder if he's happy and carefree and lazy and lounges around like it's a special day in the special family? Does he sleep in? Does he take the day off? Maybe watch some poker on ESPN? Eat a big, warm dinner as ma is gloriously oblivious and undetectably sinister and her there with a proud smile on her face? Perhaps he get jolly birthday phone calls from Jenna and whatshername...the other one?

Or does Bush glumly look out the window while his right hand man Rove falls from grace and as bodies continue to pile up in a desert somewhere far, far away and he knows he left himself no good answers?

Never even asked the right questions.

Happy Birthday, dude. How does it feel to know you done fucked up?


Speaking of dim news, what's up with the Cubs? Six losses in a row and Derrek Lee getting an MRI? What happened? Weren't the Cubs just hot and getting back Mark Prior and Kerry Wood?

Atlanta is leading the wildcard race. These are big games the Cubs are losing to the Braves. This doesn't look good after getting swept by a division leader, the Nationals, last Wrigley.

This is how you check yourself out of a race.


There is good news however. Beer can now reduce the effects of aging. At this rate, I might be an infant again before I'm an old man.


Fank Thomas: 17 hits this season, 10 home runs.

OK, I'll play along and temporarily ignore his .231 batting average. But that's a fun HR stat. Besides, he's never batted anywhere near this low. He's still warming up after returning from his ankle injury.

And Tadahito Iguchi is still hitting shots to right with a runner on first.

Made Me Laugh

Monday, July 04, 2005

Happy Birthday, America

Howard Dean sends his greetings..

Others too.

Meanwhile, summer carries on as usual in all its ugly and lovely heat. The female population is wearing just the right clothes. Barbecues always sound like a good idea.

So it's all good.

The All-Star Game is near. Buehrle, Garland and Konerko are going to be there representing the White Sox.

Dutin Hermanson and Cliff Politte woulda, coulda, shoulda. They have been good enough. Only so many roster spots.

I saw a poll asking who was the biggest All-Star snub and it offered six options. Jermaine Dye was there so I voted for him. He finished in dead last with only 5% clicking his name, so oh well. At least he was mentioned.

Derrek Lee is going for the Cubs. Obviously.

Sammy Sosa will not be there.

So America's game is humming along and the summer is not near to setting.

Of course, there are always the assclowns.

Congrats to Venus and Lindsey Davenport and Andy Roddick for being American and playing well at Wimbledon for all the Brits and to all the hot tennis chicks and to Roger Federer for being dominant. And Swiss. The Swiss are alright.

Karl Rove is na na na na na na na hey hey goodbye. It's like a birthday gift for America from wherever such funny and true and perfect gifts come from. Lift the rock and watch all the bugs squirm back into the darkneass from whence they came. Send them all to prison or back to Texas or wherever the hell they want to go but get them the hell away from ru(i)nning things. And keep an eye on them. Wolves do adapt.

Other than that, America is still fucked up and funny and not so funny at times and dying and giving birth to summers for new days just like any good civilization should. Some might say some men do ru(i)n it. Some might say. Set it ablaze. Set it back. Set the bones. But we all know we're watching.

This shit
will not
be forgot

Unlike Paris Hilton. I don't think so. She called herself American "royalty"? Her quote, not mine.

She should stick to blow jobs or getting naked for hamburger meat or whatever it is she does best. Or she should just stand there and look like this:

If I mention her name again anytime soon, slap me.

I can think of much better candidates. Jessica Biel, for instance. She's all American. Goodgawd is she American.

So are Jenny Finch, Evangeline Lilly, and that one blonde chick who played basketball at Tennessee.

Pat Summit is American.

This chick is pretty funny and American. So is this guy.

Robert Novak is a sorry American. Him and his smug mug in newspapers and his writing pure garbage as if he has a clue, which he doesn't. Send Novak to jail, too. Can this happen? Just checking. At least fire him. Or stop publishing his filth and propaganda.

I love the fact that Newsweek has its name in the middle of the Rove mess, basically being more than willing to expose the slimy bastard. Rock on.

It was the White House that not long ago, in a defense reflex of laughable proportions, tried to blame Newseek for the Iraqi mess, as well as any meteors that might possibly collide with the earth. Just in case.



Just as long as the rest of us can watch baseball and get excited at the ice cream truck bells and go to church or the titty bar and watch and play Little League games and laugh at Tom Cruise and (if lucky) maybe get Pink Floyd in its entirety instead of dumbass VJs and bet on Canadian football and get drunk or get clean and and all live out our little realities and fantasies...'s all good.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Something Strange Happened On The Way To Being Really, Really Ticked At Joe Crede

He got good.

And just in time. You best believe White Sox fans have felt their temperatures rise watching Crede at the plate. A'plenty.

OK, Crede's batting average continues to struggle, and the image of vintage Crede pop-ups and innning-ending grounders aren't far from the clearest of memories of any Sox fan.

But the guy is hitting homers at a decent rate, in big games no less, most recently against the Cubs and last night in the Coliseum in Oakland, a stadium notorious for Sox miseries.

And more importantly, and even better, is that something strange has happened.

Crede has become an amazing third baseman. Defensively, I cannot think of better. Suddenly, he's that rare infielder whose ease and efficiency in the field are something to admire. He makes it look easy.

It's interesting that Crede has played well against the A's as all the talk of Eric Chavez-to-the-Sox talk swirls. You know Crede has heard the rumors. Perhaps he has a chip on his shoulder, though his 'aw, shucks' demeanor would never tip it off. Or perhaps it's Crede developing into being dependable, at long last.

It would be nice if his batting average shot up to something a bit more respectable. I think that can happen. And Crede's power potential has far frome peaked, not that it's shabby now. Thirty home run seasons are capable by Crede, perhaps even upon us. His bat shows definite signs of life.

In the meantime, his work with the glove is nothing to be overlooked.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Grill Rove

I want to see Karl Rove grilled. Grill his fat, bald ass. And then grill it again.

And again.

Let's take Rove's troubles and run with them.

This is a door that must be opened and walked through.

This little servant man defends men who wage wars and distort truth and downright lie and don't give a fuck about you or me and generally make a muck of what America has stood for and should stand for. Always. And they do it because they can and no one has stopped them.

Rove is a little servant man who has chosen to fight for unworthy men, his masters who are masters of nothing. I don't want to say Rove picked the wrong side, as I'm tired of all the childish, devisive carry-on by all "sides". But I will say that Rove picked the wrong people.

Bush. Cheney. Rumsfeld. Etcetera...

Rove picked incompetents and assholes. He picked men who have, in a nutshell, accomplished nothing in their lives.

Rove joined in the illegal activity, in the tainted and cheated elections, in the lies about WMDs, in the lucrative business deals on the side.

Rove fucked up.

Now, it's highly possible, and more than likely, that nothing will come of it. But that's beside the point. If Republicans want to relentlessly grill Bill Clinton about getting his dick sucked, then I want Rove grilled for his illegal indiscretions like it's the Fourth of July and you hold a chilled beer and the sun is out and you have good songs jamming in the background and your friends are smiling.

And then I want some lighter fluid shot at that grill. Like a hose. More.

No matter what charges can be hurled at Rove, well, that's not really important. The charges will still not match the shady misdeeds of this administration, misdeeds Rove has urged along, fought dirty for, and smiled at. Smirked at.

So put him on trial looking guilty and defensive and sweaty so all the world can see. Why not?

You have to start somewhere, with someone. Why not start with Rove?

And then line them all up. All of them. One by one.

Will Rove go to jail? In a perfect world, yes. But probably not in this world. Besides, Bush would probably simply pardon him and then they'd smoke cigars and laugh and think themselves so clever.

Too bad about the jail. I have a feeling Rove might enjoy it, if you know what I mean.

God Bless This Man

Look what Ben Curtis is wearing.

Bears attire on a leader - the current Western Open leader to be exact. Yes, it's weird to see Bears attire mixed with success.

Smart move by Curtis to don the colors of the local team.

Of course, Curtis has also worn Colts attire. Who knows what team he'll wear on Sunday, maybe Packers attire in a PR decision of very questionable smarts and taste.

Still, it's always nice to see a golfer go the NFL-duds-are-never-a-bad-idea-especially-among-dudes-in-boring-ass-golf-attire route. The capper would be to come out on Sunday in the Payne Stewart-style knackers.

What's Up With The Crazy Cubans?

We all knew heading into the season that the White Sox' new Cuban additions into the starting rotation were possibly the season's biggest wildcards. How would they pitch?

Great. For awhile, and hopefully more in the future, the near future.

As of now, El Duque is ailing again and MIA. OK. If that means he's healthy for the second half of the season, it's all good. Right? And the Brandon McCarthy experiment is actually fun to watch anyway.

Meanwhile, Jose Contreras has had some simply awful starts of late. Awful. Seven walks and three wild pitches against the A's last night. Just ugly. He pitched like he worried Fidel had a team of spies hiding in the stands. Worried.

Hey, at least he's here and has, at times, been dominant. For awhile he was possible All-Star game material. He was that good. For awhile. And it wasn't that long ago. Dude just looks like a pitcher. Now he needs to pitch like one. Again. He needs to pitch with more confidence. He needs to mow hitters down and stop dancing around them. Maybe if he envisioed Fidel at the plate that might tick him off. It might help. Something was working before. It needs to work again.

And I'll tell you why.

Because we all know that a scene of two Cuban dudes smoking wine-drenched victorious World Series cigars would be a great shot.

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