Tuesday, February 28, 2006

When Will Jay Mariotti Leave Chicago?

Jay Mariotti has long been a scourge on Chicago sports, a negative buffoon, a pathetic clown with a pen, a buzzing fly that makes just enough noise to be annoying, a thing that just won't go away. The guy has been writing in Chicago for years now and yet still has a fan base that could probably fit in the back of a Chicago taxi cab.

It's sad, really.

And the past two days are a perfect example why.

Yesterday Mariotti wasted valuable paper by raining all over Mayor Daley's dream of bringing the Summer Olympics to Chicago in 2016. Of course, this isn't the first time Mariotti has soured on Daley's dream. It's Mariotti's habit to be as negative on a subject as possible and then beat it to an ugly, depressing pulp in case the entire world doesn't yet realize that he hates himself and everyone else and probably got beat up a lot in high school and rarely, if ever, gets laid. I mean, did you catch his daily drivel concerning Shani Davis day after day after day? The Sun-Times couldn't give Mariotti enough space to rip Davis. If I remember correctly, Mariotti wrote five columns - FIVE! - that criticized Davis in one way or another. (It was at least four.) Way to jump all over the feel-good aspect of a South Sider and first black winning a gold medal, Jay.

(And for the record, yes, I am ashamed by to admit knowing what Mariotti writes about, but I like the rest of the Sun-Times sports section. I can't help it. I read the Sun-Times and unfortunately his drivel is right there like dog shit on your shoe. It's hard to get away from. What can I say?)

As for the Olympics in Chitown, my theory is, Why the fuck not? Why not think big? Why not dream big? Why not ponder the impossibe and see if maybe, just maybe, you can make it happen? If the dream never comes to fuition, oh well. At least you tried.

I applaud Daley for thinking so big the box just exploded, sending shattered pieces flying in all directions. Is his dream of landing the Olympics farfetched? Maybe. Is it a longshot? Probably.

But why not at least dream it all up? Why not? Why not throw Chicago's name into the ring?

Why does Mariotti, who isn't even from Chicago, by the way, even though he uses the word "we" several times in the column, feel the need to trample all over a feel-good story? If it ever happened, Chicago would do a damn fine job of hosting the Olympics, just as it does a damn fine job at most things. It would make it work. I guarantee it. And if Mariotti doesn't see this yet after the years he's spent being an unliked, sorry curmudgeon in this town, then he should just get out already. Hardly anyone cares for his garbage column anyway. It's not like he would be missed. He wouldn't be.

Today Mariotti does a hatchet job on that which he most likes to do hatchet jobs on - the White Sox. This is his bread and butter. Specifically, he rips Kenny Williams for reacting to Frank Thomas' latest verbal grenade launched at the Sox.

Can the hypocrisy get any worse? Listen, Mariotti has spent years ripping Thomas. Years. He's called for Thomas' head on countless occasions. And now, when someone in the White Sox organization takes a few minutes - the operative words here being "a few minutes" - to finally set Thomas straight, Mariotti rips him for it. So I guess it's OK for Mariotti to rip the Sox from his home (as I believe he's too chicken to show up at the Cell these days after Hawk Harrelson made him dribble in his drawers), yet when someone actually involved with the Sox does so, it's wrong.

Hypocrisy. Pure and simple. Hypocrisy.

By the way, here's Mariotti trying to be funny...

Any more of this, and Kenny will be sent to his room without dinner.

Ugh. It's like watching a chronic depressive do stand-up. And, yeah, that's it. That's Mariotti at his most funny, most clever best. That's what earns him the big bucks. Are you laughing? I didn't think so.

Oh, wait, I'm mistaken. Mariotti tries being funny again to end his trash...

The American League playoffs start in seven months. Until then, I'm referring to the South Side ballpark as The Padded Cell.

Oh, boy! Isn't that hysterical? The Padded Cell! Get it?

At least he tries. He sucks. Oh, lord, how he sucks. But at least he tries. Poor guy. It must suck being so unliked in the very town you cover. No wonder he's never happy.


Blogger Bill-DC said...

Mariotti is unreadable and now unwatchable on Around The Horn. In fact, the whole Around the Horn program is unwatchable with or without Mariotti.

12:00 PM  
Blogger UnknownColumn said...

I couldn't agree more. I think any columnist instantly jumps the shark the moment he/she appears on Around the Horn. Unfortunately, Mariotti's drivel takes up an entire page just inside the cover of the Sun-Times so it's hard to avoid. I usually just skim it, which is enough to send me over the edge.

1:11 PM  

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