Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Groundbreaking Study

Having discovered cures to cancer, AIDS, and the bird flu, the American Medical Association has set its sights on understanding that bastion of unexplainable college activity: Spring Break.

Science = I'm just trying to keep up. This is just like when Einstein was contemplating space and time.

I jest. I think one could better spend their time curling their nose hairs.

More than half said they regretted getting sick from drinking on the trip.

OK, fine. But I bet those same people had no qualms about fighting a hangover by cracking a Bud at nine in the morning. Immediately, I find these questions slanted.

About 40 percent said they regretted passing out or not remembering what they did.

Not a problem. Friends are always more than willing to fill you in the next morning on how you slept with a stranger in the club's bathroom stall, urinated on a cop car, ate a late-night bologna and whip cream sandwich, and passed out on the bathroom floor...naked with a pair of underwear on your head. And if your friends don't remember, it's probably best you don't know.

13 percent said they had sexual activity with more than one partner.

Only 13 perent? Right. I can no longer take this survey seriously.

10 percent said they regretted engaging in public or group sexual activity.

I love how only one in ten regretted this. ("I probably should have stayed home and worked on my poly sci paper, but blowing Mark and Andre from Illinois State on the DJ stage while a stranger filmed it all? Loved it!")

More than half were underage when they first drank alcohol on a spring break trip.

Drinking isn't nearly as fun after you turn 21 and it's no longer breaking the law...OK, yeah, it's just as fun.

I can't wait to see what the AMA crack team gets to next. Mardi Gras? St. Patrick's Day?

Incidentally, when I was googling for a spring break photo, this popped up. I'm not kidding...

"Sure, baby, you can bang my gavel."


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