Thursday, March 30, 2006

People Are Still Having Sex

The Bush Administration has teenage sex on the brain.

The expansion of abstinence programs has been propelled by a steady increase in government funding. The funding started ramping up under the Clinton administration. Since 1998, the federal government has spent about $890 million on abstinence programs, including sex-ed courses taught in schools (as well as pregnancy crisis centers and government agencies). But the bulk of it -- $779 million -- has been spent since President George W. Bush took office in 2001. The government is slated to spend $176 million on abstinence programs this year -- up from nearly $167 million last year and $82 million in 2001.

So Bush has spent $779 million on abstinence programs since 2001? Really? Well, that's a relief. For a second there I was worried he may have spent it on education or health care or some other equally unimportant trivialty.

I honestly don't understand this. What exactly don't these people get? Tossing around hundreds of millions of dollars simply to tell teenagers not to have sex is pointless. People aren't going to have less sex, whether they be adults or high schoolers or - gulp - younger. Sex is everywhere. Television. Magazines. Music. The whole world - EVERYTHING! - revolves around sex. People are going to fuck and fuck some more so why keep pretending that it can be prevented

You can't stop sex, you can only hope to contain it.

Besides, how is it possible that $779 million has been spent on this? I mean, kids aren't stupid. They know all about sex. They know how it works. They know the consequences. All the options are right there in front of them. So how does it require $779 million to tell them to keep it in their pants. Where is this money actually going? I need to know.

Watch and learn: To any kids out there reading this, I have a message for you - keep it in your pants!

See? That was free. No charge. I'm in it for the love.

Listen, I'm not advocating rampant sex among teenagers. That said, it happens. It happens a lot. So stop living in some fantasy world where kids will no longer fuck and pass out some condoms.

I'm sure $779 million can pay for a lot of condoms.


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