Thursday, March 30, 2006

Tax Dollars Going Down Toilet - Literally

Because there are no more problems for our government to confront, it is now treking through the sewers of America searching for traces of cocaine. No, really.

If government studies are a reliable guide, about 25,000 residents of Fairfax County -- 2.5 percent of its population -- have used cocaine in the past year. The same data from the National Survey on Drug Use and Health suggest that about 9,000 have partaken within the past 30 days.

Those estimates, based on personal and computer-assisted interviews, rely almost completely on the candor of the respondents. The Bush administration, hoping to someday broaden the government's knowledge of illegal drug use, is probing the mysteries of Fairfax's sewage for a clearer picture.

Earlier this month, the county agreed to participate in a White House pilot program to analyze wastewater from communities throughout the Potomac River Basin for the urinary byproducts of cocaine.

See? Now this is the sort of stringent testing Bud Selig should have implemented years ago. Hell, ESPN's Pedro Gomez is always on hand to file reports on the texture of Barry Bond's latest stool movements. Maybe he can grab a urine sample while he's at it.

Other than that, there are so many Georgie Dipshit/cocaine jokes to be had here that my brain is short-circuiting.


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