Saturday, May 20, 2006

Anatomy of a Brawl

A.J. Pierzynski plays some good ole fashioned baseball by taking out the catcher in a play at the plate. Nothing wrong with that. Right, Michael Barrett?

Barrett wonders what hit him.

Pierzynski tags the plate, making sure to be just emphatic enough to make it easy on the ump. That Pierzynski, always thinking of others.

Pierzynski, being the perfect gentleman that he's famous for being, tries to innocently head to the dugout, but Barrett stops him. Hmmm...

Barrett thinks he's tough now. Pierzynski replies with, "What's that you say, dear fellow?" Pierzynski, always the model of charm. Always.

Oops. Barrett proves to be a giant douchebag and hits Pierzynski with a cheap shot straight to the grill. It should be pointed out that Pierzynski was hardly phased.

Scott Podsednik steps in and takes Barrett down. Pierzynski tries not to laugh. The expressions in the crowd: priceless.

Barrett's embarrassment continues: Podsednik easily takes him out and holds him down, barely breaking a sweat in the process. You gotta love Scotty Pods. He jumps right in the middle of a mellee, takes a dude out, breaks up a fight, and then manages not to get booted from the game. That's smooth. No wonder he's married to Lisa Dergan. Meanwhile, Joey Cora and Dusty Baker get in the middle of things, prompting Cubs fans everywhere to yell, "Look, Dusty is alive! He's alive!"

Behold the exact moment the Crosstown Classic rivalry reached new levels. There's no going back after this.

The funniest aspect of the whole melee has to be the involvement of one Brian Anderson, who hit the sacrifice fly that ignited the whole debacle. Now, the rookie hasn't been able to all. He's been struggling mightily. But that didn't stop him from throwing a straight-up haymaker at John Mabry. If you see the highlights, you'll see a slow-motion replay of the entire thing. Anderson, caught red-handed. Hysterical. The poor kid has been having it rough and now there's undeniable evidence of his misgivings heading straight to the Commissioner's Office. That just makes me laugh. I guess Anderson figured if he can't help much at the plate yet, he might as well brawl for the good of the team when necessary.

Hell, yeah, A.J. Hell, yeah. Pierzynski's riotous return to the dugout was truly inspiring.

Pierzynksi and Anderson, triumphant.

Barrett is left to ponder what a vagina he is.

The final word: Two batters after the brawl, Tadahito Iguchi laughs last and laughs loudest by belting a grand slam. He would later add a two-run homer. The Gooch.

Meanwhile, Freddy Garcia pitched a gem. If he keeps it up, the Cy Young talk won't be far behind.

Pale Hose win. 7-0. They go for the sweep on Sunday. Oh, and Jose Contreras returns to the mound tomorrow.

Good times, good times.


Anonymous Nick said...

that white sox player is a dousche. go cubs.

11:53 PM  
Blogger jaythejoke said...

brian anderson was a crazy man. my favorite part was the punch he delivered to barrett as he went flying by the fracas.

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the sox are fags so is what he had coming to him and the redsox are better

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

white sox fans = poor white (or some other color) trash

12:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the chick with the o face in the fan's reaction pic (which is awesome). she has a nice 'personality'

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Straight up, you're delusional. Barrett cold-cocked Pierzynski and then took down Podsednik with another hit/shove to the face. Why any of that would make anyone -- evien A.J. -- proud enough to stalk off the field waving his arms is unimaginable. Barrett took o the White Sox and his justice will be dispensed by MLB, not you all-talk cocksucking southside cumwads.

6:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And by the way, dickface, the word is "fazed," not "phased." Did you learn your spelling/grammar frm a comic book?

6:45 PM  
Blogger UnknownColumn said...

To the poster of the last two comments...

Barrett's "punch" barely scratched Pierzynski, and Podsednik took the sally down with ease. Watch it again and report back to me, champ.

By the way, here's some numbers for you:



One is the Sox' record, one the Cubs'. Tell me which is which.

Thought so. Have fun chasing last place.

By the way, thanks for pointing out a spelling error. I might have done that, 2nd grade.

Cubs suck. Too bad. Oh, well. Deal with it.

8:02 PM  
Anonymous White Sox Fan said...

How is winning the World Series "all-talk"? I don't mind being called a cock-sucking cumwad, but I will be damned if we are all-talk!

PS -- What does "evien AJ" mean? Do you mean the bottled water? That is spelled evian idiot...jeez.

8:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah, it really must be fun riding the bandwagon unknowncolumn. what is unknown is how anyone could love a punk like pierzynski. pathetic.

11:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you can't be a cubs fan, then get pissed because anyone could "love a punk." hello, Sosa anyone?

Also, Dusty Baker is a notalent ass clown.

7:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

have a good time getting caught by the tigers. Also, i'd put the over/under on days until Thome goes back on the DL at 4.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whatever, the White Sox suck. They can't even sweep the Cubs??? HAHAHA! Even the Padres can sweep the entire season series with the Cubs.

11:13 AM  
Blogger White Silk said...

Well, well, well, would you just look at all these "Anonymous" pussies, laying smack down as if they were a bunch of friggin' bad-asses! Just like their Cubs, these clowns are a bunch of whinin'-ass chumps who got nothin' but cheap shots to throw around!!! It's so tough of all of you bitches to enter the world of blog comment posting with no name to bear!
Enjoy being the fans of an organization nearing its 100th year of title-less ineptitude - that's gotta feel REAL nice!! Oh yeah, and keep forking over the big dollars to see that farm system for a team over on Clark/Addison - bunch of suckers!! The Tribune Corp. loves each and every 39,000 of you! So long as you frat-clowns are willing to pony up the funds to keep the sell-outs a-coming, the Tribune gang is gonna keep short-changing you with the product on the field. Pathetic!

.....Space here saved for the proverbial, lame-ass Cub fan comeback "If the Sox are so good, why can't they sell out their stadium every game..." line" Bring it on, you predictable bitches!......

As for the Padre-lover above, sure your squad won the season series but I'd like to know when the last time a team that claimed it "swept the entire season series with the Cubs" was also claiming they became World Series Champion. In other words, dipshit, they're mutually exclusive. You may win 6 against the Flubs this year but you sure as hell ain't gonna win the Brass Ring!! Enjoy daily weather report of "sunny and 75 degrees" 'cause that's all you have!!

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Lou said...


It's fucking baseball. Not a stupid social experiment.

Barrett got bowled over - CLEAN PLAY.

Pierzynski slapped the plate - DICK MOVE.

Barrett held then snuffed Pierzynski in the jaw with a right - PUSSY MOVE; he'll pay for it.

All this shit about Sox fans being trash - comes from Cubs fans that aren't originally from this, if you're not from here, then cheer for your team, act like you got class, as opposed to accusing others of not having any, or simply shut the fuck up and move back to Ohio.

Sox fans that call Cubs fans pussies, yuppies and douchebags...your team just won the World Series, and you still got a chip on your shoulder??? Get a fucking clue and start acting like your team just won a world series and have a shot at another; otherwise, just revert to your 2nd tier ways and stay home like you did between 1992 and 2005. I'm sure Detroit won't have a problem pulling the rug out from under you.

Overall - get some perspective you morons. Act like it's a sport, not a crosstown race war.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous AJP said...

Hey, every last one of you Nancy Boys has an open invitation to come visit me over at Jimbos after any Sox home game. Tell me exactly how you feel about me.

8:54 PM  
Anonymous JIM THOME said...


8:54 PM  
Blogger Judge Smailes said...

The Cubs are a bunch of pathetic losers. Their entire team should be playing in AAA. Their staff "ace," Greg Maddux is 40 years old and pretty much washed-up. The Sox are winners, and the Cubs are losers. Get used to it, North Side!

Barrett is lucky that Pods was already pulling Barrett down to the ground by the time Brian Anderson, the sox's enforcer, ran over. Barret would have been in for a world of hurt if he caugh one of Anderson's haymakers dead on.

12:51 PM  
Blogger yesenia said...

Lou I salute you for your post. Cubs fans, it is not the Southside's fault that they have a team others can actually look up to without being made fun of. It is not the Southside's fault that the Sox actually know how to use a talented roster. I'm not saying the Cubs are all terrible but where's the proof? They sell off any decent guys they have, they have a nice manager but is he any good? What about their coaching? Do they still have coaches?

The Cubs win was a mistake but the fans better cherish it because you wont be seeing much more of that.

Oh and just remember: the White Sox swept Detroit in thier own home opener.

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cubs game plan---First hold your opponent to no hits(Barrett holds A.J. arms. Second out hit your opponent(Barrett hits a man who can`t move his arms)

2:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it is spelled phased.... you dumbass... The Cubs suck, can't even help us out by even beating Detroit once out of their three game set... and the team in second place in the Cubs division, the reds... yea, as expected the Sox sweep them... quit bitching about how your team sux so bad and take out a hobby like the other faggot Cubs fans such as combing the streets of "Boys Town" looking for a fellow Northsider for an assfuck you flaming homosexual

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whats the difference between Six Flags and Wrigley Field......

Six Flags isn't closed every October!


8:03 PM  

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